Have you found yourself standing next to your cousin’s new partner, a person whose only hobby is competitive cheese rolling, while your interests cap out at re-potting succulents and debating the merits of organic fertilizer? The silence between you is getting loud. The internal panic starts to build. What on earth are you supposed to talk about? How do you keep a conversation going when you and your conversation partner are as similar as a whale and a can of shoe polish?
It can feel like you are from two different planets with zero conversational overlap. Navigating these moments doesn’t have to be a cringeworthy exercise in staring at your shoes. With a few shifts in perspective, you can turn a potentially awkward silence into a genuinely interesting exchange.
Here are five tricks to help you keep a conversation going:
1. Remember, It’s Impossible to Have No Point of Connection
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The notion that two people have absolutely nothing in common is somewhat of a myth. A convenient myth, perhaps, when you’re trying to escape a dull party, but a myth nonetheless. At the very least, you are both humans navigating the complex, yet outstanding, and sometimes frustrating experience of life.
You both exist in the same place at the same time, which is a starting point. The person across from you might seem like a total alien, but they still eat, sleep, and probably have strong opinions on cilantro. The trick is to stop searching for a big, obvious shared interest and start noticing the smaller, universal connections.
2. Focus On Their Experiences
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When you can’t find a shared hobby, pivot to shared human experiences. Everyone has motivations, feelings, and a personal history. You can explore universal themes like family, memorable travel, career aspirations, or even just the universal annoyance of a slow internet connection.
Ask them what they are excited about in their life right now or what challenges they are working through. These topics go beyond surface-level chatter and tap into the core of who they are as a person. Most people enjoy talking about their own story. Giving them the space to do so is a generous way to build a connection.
3. Zero Commonalities is Not All Bad
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Talking to someone wildly different from you is an opportunity, not a disaster. This is your chance to learn something completely new without having to watch a three-hour documentary. Their world of competitive cheese rolling is a universe you know nothing about. This makes you the perfect audience.
Your genuine curiosity can make them feel fascinating. Instead of seeing the differences as a wall, view them as a door into a world you would otherwise never encounter. It’s far more interesting than another conversation about the weather.
4. Listen and Ask Questions
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The most effective tool in any conversation is your ability to listen. Most people spend conversations waiting for their turn to speak. Instead, actively listen to what the other person is saying and use that information to ask thoughtful follow-up questions.
Open-ended questions are splendid. These are questions that cannot be answered with a simple “yes” or “no.” Instead of asking, “Do you like your job?” try, “What’s the most interesting project you’ve worked on recently?” This invites a story, not a one-word answer.
5. Create an Experience Together
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If the conversation is stalling, shift the focus from talking to doing. Shared activities create instant common ground. At a party, you could suggest getting drinks together, checking out the food spread, or even just commenting on the questionable music choices.
The activity itself becomes the topic of conversation. “This dip is amazing, have you tried it?” is a simple but effective way to restart the flow. It takes the pressure off both of you to carry a purely verbal exchange and provides a natural, low-stakes subject to discuss.
Where to Go From Here
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Conversational chemistry is a skill you can build. The next time you feel that familiar dread of a silent standoff, don’t retreat into your phone. See it as a chance to practice navigating small talk.
Try to get genuinely curious about the other person. Ask one good, open-ended question and truly listen to the answer. You might not walk away with a new best friend every time, but you will walk away with a stronger ability to connect with the diverse and interesting people all around you. And who knows, you might even learn a thing or two about cheese rolling.