Relationship troubles: they are everywhere, and one of the key reasons they occur is because of financial stress. Soulmates or not, the facts are there: few marriages or long-term relationships can survive poor cash management.
What’s more, the list of disadvantages that couples with financial problems face soon stacks up, rendering life a game of survival, not enjoyment. Worse still, one partner might be astute with their hard-earned cash, while the other treats theirs like a water fountain. It might work for some, but surely this is an unfair relationship.
Thankfully, there are some questions we can ask our new flames to avoid feeling the heat, and not the good kind. Life is short and expensive. Next time you meet someone, it may be worth asking some questions recommended by relationship and finance experts.
1. Are You a Saver or a Spender?
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A question that makes a good finance ice-breaker is also a cunning chance for you to incite the follow-up back your way. “Are you a saver or a spender?” is a question that helps set the tone early on. Moreover, it gives you a chance to show that you value saving and investing part of your income.
“You can weigh your partner’s answer to their actions,” states a Marriage article based on this topic. If anything, this question can help a new couple align their plans or, at the very worst, go their separate ways.
2. What Would You Do If You Got a Windfall?
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I once got into an argument with my wife over a hypothetical lottery-winning scenario. I wanted to invest half, while she had plans for her entire (Spanish) family. Luckily, we never won the lottery, and peace prevailed. On a more serious note, asking the fabled “what if” question can reveal how your future might look.
A while ago, Celeste Polanco of Essence interviewed Kendra of Femme Finance, who told her why this is a great idea.“This question allows you to see what their priorities are,” she said. From a less cynical perspective, it could also show someone’s kind nature: an optimist’s way to see things.
3. What Did Money, Debt, and Finances Look Like in Your Family Growing Up?
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“Ask your partner who taught them the most about money when they were young,” writes CNBC Money editor Megan DeMatteo. “You’ll probably understand your partner’s present actions a lot better once you do.”
The way our family discusses, uses, and saves money has an effect on our adult selves. For instance, if you grew up with very little, chances are you are far less reluctant to splurge. Moreover, if money came easily as a child, perhaps other outcomes are inevitable. Knowing how your life partner sees money could be a dealbreaker.
4. Did You Get An Allowance When You Were Young?
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It might sound like an innocent childhood question, and it could incite a pang of nostalgia in your other half. Yet, this question is also a secret compatibility test, giving us a sneak preview of someone’s connection to managing money.
A ResearchGate publication from Japan found that “regular monthly allowances are associated with good budgeting habits” among men. Yet, “females receiving any form of allowance tend to have less-negative attitudes toward money.”
5. What is the Nature of Your Work? (And How Much Does It Make?)
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While some might see this as a question more for men to handle, it goes both ways. It may sound like a form of judgment (or none of their business), but in reality, someone’s job can relate to their time freedom, lifestyle, or expectations.
While there is a large contingent of even married couples that don’t know their spouse’s exact salary, it can help. For one, you might discover that one of you makes much more than the other, which can affect goal alignment and spending habits.
“When you both know how much you each earn, you can set and work towards genuinely realistic long-term financial goals,” writes Tora Turton of Adzuna.
6. Do You Have Any Debt, and How Do You Plan to Handle It?
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It might sound like a blunt question this early on in the relationship, but any undeclared debt will one day damage any couple. It’s important that we can trust our other half to tell the truth, so at the very least, it is an exercise in doing so.
“If the person you’re dating has debt, it doesn’t necessarily mean they are financially irresponsible,” reads a Credit Counselling Society guide. “What matters more is how they’re managing it and how open they are to discussing it as your relationship gets more serious.”
Furthermore, the question may also be quite sneaky: it will reveal how seriously they are taking their debt. Of course, there are some partners who will deny that the debt even exists, which may affect how you view them in the future.
7. What’s Your Philosophy on Combining Money or Keeping It Separate?
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Sometimes, we must admit that romance doesn’t hide reality. Some couples merge everything, while others keep finances separate forever. Many do a hybrid system, like having shared bills and personal freedom.
There’s no universal right answer about what you want as a couple, but there is a wrong one: never talking about it until you’re already splitting rent. A good way to frame this question: “Would we prefer separate accounts, joint accounts, or a combination of both?”
This way, it is all out in the open, and you may just keep the relationship burning longer. Tomorrow Banking shares a “three-account model” for success. It means each partner keeps a personal account, merging a third account for life’s essentials together.
8. How Do You Manage Your Finances?
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A Forbes guide to becoming more financially compatible with your other half puts this one atop its list of money questions. The age of automation, finance management apps, and spreadsheets means it has never been easier to manage your money.
“This aspect reveals how you track and control your cash flow,” reads the post, “providing a window into your organizational skills and attitudes toward money.” Let’s be honest, partners with disorganized money management skills could one day push you over the edge if you are fastidious with your own cash.
9. What Do You Do With Your Free Time?
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Free time has a cost, and while some hobbies are cheap and grounding, others are expensive. If one of you spends free time hiking and reading books, while the other splurges on weekend trips, shopping, and constant “little treats,” this could be an omen.
It is unfair to expect your other half to change their personality; just as it is unfair to inflict a lavish lifestyle on someone who doesn’t suit it. If you feel nervous about asking, merely observing their everyday actions could indicate how much they spend, according to relationship platform Your Tango.
10. What Are Your Long Term Or Short Term Goals?
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It is plausible that being with someone for a period of time means sharing some form of ambition. The Customer Owned Banking Association (COBA) states that individual goals are fine, but “when we become part of a couple, these goals can affect the finances of both people.”
It may prove a real cathartic moment in your search for a life companion: just imagine having someone who shares all your goals. At the same time, the potential for disharmony if your goals don’t match might be painful further along the journey. It is definitely worth asking your partner about their goals, and if they have none, you can declare your own to get them onboard.