One concerned parent headed to Mumsnet to ask whether she was wrong to object to her 13-year-old daughter moving in with her dad. The post, shared in the site’s Am I Being Unreasonable forum, touched a nerve because it had several familiar pressure points at once: a teenager, a parent’s new partner, school welfare concerns, and a sudden court order. The result was one of those parenting threads where the question sounded simple until the details made it much harder.
The original poster said her daughter had primarily lived with her for the past 10 years while staying with her dad every other weekend and during holidays. She also said there had been periods when her daughter didn’t want to go to her dad’s house, but that she had encouraged the relationship anyway. Now, the situation had flipped, and the girl was saying she wanted to live with her father instead.
According to the post, the mother has been with her partner for three years and is due to marry him next year. She said the problems became worse after the engagement, and she believed her daughter had been trying to split them up. She also said her daughter had told her dad and school things the mother said weren’t true, which led to the welfare officer becoming involved.
Then the school called with the update that changed the whole thread. The mother said she was told the girl’s father had picked her up and taken out a court order. She said she didn’t yet know what the order said, but she was heartbroken and wondered whether she should go to the father’s house and demand her daughter come back.
Why Mumsnet Users Focused on the New Partner
Image Credit: Mumsnet
The responses started to latch on on to the mother’s purported home. Many commenters zeroed in on the fact that the teenager reportedly felt uncomfortable with the mother’s partner, especially because the mother said he was strict and asked her daughter to tidy her room and help with chores. Several users told the poster that a partner of three years should not be the person disciplining a 13-year-old who clearly didn’t want him in that role.
The mother pushed back by saying her daughter had claimed she was scared to live there, that the partner was constantly telling her off, and that the couple were constantly arguing. She said they had occasional arguments, but described them as normal and mostly related to the daughter’s behavior. Commenters saw the daughter’s decision to tell her father and school as a sign that the issue had already gone beyond ordinary teen sulking.
The Real Advice Mumsnet Offered
A lot of the advice came down to one point: at 13, the daughter’s wishes definitely did matter. Commenters told the mother that trying to drag her back could make the relationship worse. if the girl already felt unheard at home, it was an especially bad idea to skip out on hearing the girl’s concerns. They stressed that the mom should make sure her daughter knew she still had a place with her, no matter what.
But all that said, there was one simple move the mom was encouraged to make. Commenters pointed out that if her daughter felt desperate enough to leave, she should stop arguing the point and start listening. That might be the only real way forward in this situation, and it remains to be seen which way the mom went.