When it comes to developing relationships with your neighbors, becoming friends may sound appealing. That’s because living close to people you like is almost always a bonus, since it makes it easier to spend time together. But too much of a good thing can be bad for those relationships, especially if you start to grow weary of spending time with the people next door.
One Redditor says this is exactly what has happened with a man who lives in the same community where she and her boyfriend live. According to her, the couple’s 70-year-old neighbor frequently overstays his welcome and makes weird comments when the three of them are together.
But what Redditor UnbrokenRose17213 finds more concerning is that her neighbor frequently gets blackout drunk when he comes to visit, putting her boyfriend in an awkward position since he is a recovering alcoholic. Now, she’s turning to the r/WhatShouldIDo subreddit for advice to try and figure out how she can gently let her neighbor know how his behavior is affecting them.
Thankfully, Reddit was full of really good advice and offered several suggestions on how to handle the situation in a way that won’t hurt the neighbor’s feelings in the process.
Need help dealing with our neighbor.
by
u/UnbrokenRose17213 in
WhatShouldIDo
The Couple Has Been Spending the Past Two Months With Their Neighbor
The Redditor jumped right into her question, laying out all the important details for the commenters. “My boyfriend (I’ll call him B) and I are both 38 years old, and we have a neighbor (I’ll call him D) in his 70s,” she wrote. “He started talking to us two months ago, and seemed nice at first. But things started getting weird fast.”
Some of the weird things include interjecting himself into their plans, making comments about wanting to be invited when they talked about some place they were heading. Additionally, the OP said that D made uncomfortable references to their friends after hearing stories about them, making accusations and sharing wild theories.
“As if the awkward (and rude) remarks weren’t bad enough, he wants to hang out with us constantly,” the post continued, highlighting how D will spend hours in their apartment and then beg to make additional plans for the following day.
“Now here’s the part that bothers me the most: every time he wants to hang out, D wants to drink. And I don’t just mean drink, I mean get wasted,” she continued. “He’s obnoxious as hell when he’s drunk… and B is a former alcoholic. He knows his limits and doesn’t overdo it anymore. I trust him completely, but it still pisses me off that D wants to have alcohol around every single time the three of us are together.”
She ended the post by asking what she should do. “I really need advice, before this gets any worse.”
Redditors Came to the Rescue With Some Solid Advice
For the most part, people were really gentle about the way they advised the OP to handle the situation, with more than one person asking about D’s potential health problems. “Does he have maybe an illness, for example dementia,” one person asked, prompting the OP to say that she’s considered that as a potential underlying issue.
“He’s probably just lonely,” another person suggested.
While plenty of people wanted to get to the bottom of why D acts the way he does, one commenter offered up some good advice on how to regain control of the relationship in a way that would leave the OP feeling empowered about her choices.
“Start by setting boundaries that you and your boyfriend are comfortable [with] and are willing to enforce. Invite him over only once a week and set a time limit for yourselves when to ask him to leave,” a commenter suggested. “If he shows up unannounced, tell him it’s not a good [time], but you’ll see him on a certain day. You (both of you) have to stick to whatever boundaries you set, or nothing will change.”
Whether D actually honors the OP’s boundaries remains to be seen, but for now it sounds like she has a good idea of how to broach the subject in a way that should still allow the trio to spend some time together in a way that everyone can enjoy. Fingers crossed that D sees it that way, too.