Some people are perfectly happy to play their roles in the skit that is life, but others have to run the show even at the expense of others. Controlling people often exhibit behavior that stems from deep-seated insecurities and a need for dominance or predictability.
Some folks with control issues might not even realize they’re playing the role of the “director” in everyone’s life. These behaviors can wreak havoc on personal and workplace relationships and even mental well-being.
If you catch a hint of “control freak” in the mirror or in a loved one, it might be time to figure out what’s really compelling the underlying need for control. Here are the behaviors to watch out for to see if someone has control issues.
1. Pressuring Others into Unhealthy Behavior
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Peer pressure didn’t end in middle school, unfortunately. Now, people with control issues often become master manipulators, enticing others into unhealthy habits to show who’s boss. Whether it’s convincing someone to get into substance abuse or snatch and hide something at the store, they aim to chip away at your independence.
This behavior undermines the well-being of the person being controlled. It’s essential to hold your ground and dodge any pressure to do things that might mess with your health or values.
2. Criticizing Everything
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Have you met someone who sees the wrong things in everyone? Such a person could be dealing with control issues. They instill self-doubt and create a sense of inadequacy in others. The criticism could be about appearance, decisions, or even minor actions.
That kind of behavior can suck the emotional life out of you and chip away at your self-esteem. Don’t ignore this pattern. Learn to tell the difference between helpful feedback and criticism that’s just trying to control the narrative.
3. Frequent Guilt-Tripping
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Some people expertly turn you into an apologetic acrobat, leaping through hoops of guilt for mistakes you didn’t make. Guilt-tripping makes others live in a perpetual state of “I’m sorry” and submission.
You must know that when someone is always planning guilt trips for you, you should decline to drive down that road. It’s unfair to be held responsible for someone else’s emotions or sense of control.
4. Going Through Other People’s Things
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You know you’re dealing with a controlling person when you leave your bag unattended for a minute, and they run an airport-security-level ransack. Playing detective in people’s lives is dangerous and will leave them feeling violated and insecure.
Respecting privacy is crucial in any relationship. No one wants to go through life feeling like they’re living with an X-ray machine.
5. Constantly Checking In
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Excessive checking in is often disguised as a concern but is actually a method of maintaining control. Psychologists call it obsessive love disorder, and it may involve frequent calls, texts, or demands to know the other person’s whereabouts and activities at all times.
While occasional check-ins are normal, constant monitoring can feel suffocating. Healthy relationships are built on trust and respect for each other’s independence.
6. Always Issuing Ultimatums
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An ultimatum will sound like, “If you go out tonight, don’t bother coming back here.” Issuing ultimatums is a direct way to exert control. It involves making demands and setting conditions for continued interaction or a relationship, often with severe consequences if the demands are unmet.
Ultimatums create a power imbalance and force compliance through fear. Open dialogue is a healthier way to address conflicts, differences, and opinions.
7. Turning People Against Others
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Manipulative people play puppet masters and turn people against one another. This control tactic seeks to isolate the individual and make them more dependent. This can involve spreading rumors or instigating conflicts.
Such divisive behavior ruins trust and harmony within a group or a relationship. Being aware and keeping the lines of communication open can be your secret weapon against those sneaky manipulation tactics.
8. Issuing Threats
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A controlling person might say, “If you take that job, we’re breaking up.” Using threats of harm, abandonment, or other severe consequences is a blatant form of control. These threats create fear and compliance, ensuring the person adheres to the controller’s demands.
Threats in a relationship are like finding mold in your fridge—they’re definitely a sign that something’s gone bad. It’s time to call for reinforcements and build definite boundaries to tackle that behavior.
9. Offering Conditional Love
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Some people will offer conditional love like a game of affection bingo—you only get a hug if you tick the right boxes. It’s a clever little tactic that keeps someone dancing to your tune to earn your love.
Love should be unconditional. Conditional love can affect you in the long term, affecting even future relationship intimacy.
10. Keeping a Record of Wrongs
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Clinging to past mistakes and constantly revisiting them is a ploy to keep others under control. This keeps the relationship anchored to old blunders instead of sailing smoothly into the future.
Forgiveness and letting go are paramount for healthy relationships. Holding onto grudges only breeds resentment and unhappiness.
11. Overactive Jealousy
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Excessive jealousy reveals deep insecurities. A jealous relationship is always bubbling with constant suspicion and wild accusations about a partner’s (supposed) fidelity. Who needs trust when you can have drama, right?
Jealousy can be destructive if not addressed, and eventually the accused party will tire of defending themselves.
12. Judging Others for Their Values
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Judging others for their beliefs, values, or lifestyle choices dulls their sparkle and undermines their confidence. This behavior forces others to conform to the controller’s standards out of fear of judgment.
Respecting diverse values and perspectives is essential for genuine connection and mutual respect. Ditch the judgments and embrace diverse views to avoid division and suppress individual expression.