It’s a question familiar to many families: What should you do about a neighbor kid who comes over constantly to play? How much is too much? And what do you do when your own kids would rather not play with them? One parent took to Reddit’s r/Parenting community to find some answers to these queries and some advice for how to handle the situation, and got a variety of responses. Most tended to revolve around being consistent, saying no, and setting boundaries.
The original poster explained that a neighbor’s son, a year younger than her own 7-year-old, had been knocking on the door every single day, sometimes multiple times a day, asking to play. Her son, an only child, will sometimes say yes but often would rather play alone or with a close friend, and the family is not close with the boy’s parents.
She said she’s tried keeping the garage closed, only for the boy to knock on the front door instead and stand there waiting, and that he has at times pressed her son about why he was saying no. Not wanting to be rude to a child, she had started letting her son answer the door and decide for himself, but the constant knocking had worn the family down, and she suspected the boy’s parents had no idea how often he was coming over.
The mom posting to Reddit is left feeling frustrated and not sure how to proceed without hurting the child’s feelings. What can she do?
Is the Neighbor’s Behavior Normal?
Several parents said the situation is more common than some might think. One recounted a kid down the street who comes over nearly every day, sometimes within 30 seconds of the family getting home, and once on Christmas Eve. That parent’s point was that the visiting child is not doing anything wrong so much as the host family has not set limits, and that the fix is learning to say no or picking a set day and time for play.
Other commenters pushed toward the parents rather than the child. Some suggested simply getting the other parents’ phone number and opening a line of communication, on the theory that a child wandering off multiple times a day is a sign the parents may not know where he is. One asked pointedly why a kid was leaving the house that often without his parents tracking him, and labeled the entire thing “reckless.”
Some readers asked about setting up a standing playdate, which could make the visits into something predictable and cut down on the daily drop-ins. Most agreed that the answer was a boundary, set either with the child directly or with his parents, rather than just enduring the visits.
How Experts Say to Handle a Kid Who Visits Uninvited
Advice on neighbor kid who comes over asking to play every. single. day.
by
u/Kslim07 in
Parenting
Experts will usually refer to this type of issue as a boundary problem instead of a behavioral one with kids. A young child who keeps coming back is usually seeking connection and doesn’t read any subtle cues that it’s a bad time, so you have to be blatant about intentions. That means giving a specific answer like “not today, but you can come by Saturday afternoon?”
In the end, it’s all about being consistent. If the door sometimes opens after a “not today,” the child learns that persistence pays. Parenting resources suggest deciding in advance on the terms, which days, how long, whether a parent needs to be home, and communicating them plainly to the child and, when possible, to the child’s parents. In the end, communication between all parties, especially the other parents, can make a big difference here.
So the variety of advice from readers was certainly applicable here, especially the ones that said to make playdates or to help the child learn more about setting boundaries. In the end, however, it’ll be up to the parent to decide how she wants to help enforce them or make changes in her child’s social life.