A mom who is about to be an empty nester posted an interesting question on the MumsNet message board recently. She was considering the upcoming change to her family’s dynamic after she says that one of her kids is about to go off to college.
While so many people take this opportunity to turn the newly emptied space into a home gym, office, or even a craft room, this mom has a more extreme makeover idea for the space, and she wants to turn it into a room of her own. However, she wrote in her post on the Am I Being Unreasonable (AIBU) page of the forum, looking for advice about the idea.
According to her, while there are plenty of pros to the idea of gaining her own space, the biggest downside could be the potential for the move to hurt her husband’s feelings, which is why she was looking for a gut check from fellow moms.
The forum had a lot to say about the idea, and some of the responses from the other moms were really surprising.
Mom Says She’s Just Looking for a Bit More Privacy
The OP Seeing70 wrote up a short description about her dilemma, writing about how she fantasizes all the time about the idea of having a space to truly call her own.
“I envy my teens [and] their rooms,” her post continued. “One of them is going off to uni and I am planning to decamp to her room, but I know that my husband of 20+ years will be hurt/offended, so the guilt will taint the pleasure of stretching out in a bed, by myself and being able to read as late as I like or get up in the night if I can’t sleep, or even start keeping a diary again before I fall sleep (or do a quick beard-pluck in private) all without worrying about disturbing anyone (or being disturbed by pesky questions about what I’m reading/writing).”
She ended the post by asking if anyone else experienced the same “intense longing” for a space of their own, and whether anyone had actually managed it without upsetting their spouse.
People Were on Mom’s Side With This One
It’s rare to see strangers on the internet agree about anything, but at least in this case, it seems like everyone knew what it was like to want a little distance from your spouse, or dear husband (DH) as they are referred to in the forum. “DH and I both have individual rooms in our home in addition to our shared bedroom,” one person wrote. “We use them for home offices and hobbies. They are our private spaces. It is a bit different than sleeping apart, but we find them very valuable.”
“My DH would also be hurt/offended,” another mom wrote. “I’m always amazed by how many mumsnetters have separate bedrooms. Yes I’d love one too!”
Sleep Divorces Are Gaining in Popularity
Another mom had a suggestion on how to pull the transition off, and offered up some advice. “Introduce it slowly,” they wrote, offering the suggestion that the mom say that she will be up late reading her book and may fall asleep in the extra room to avoid waking up the spouse.
The advice isn’t actually that uncommon, since a July 2025 report from the American Academy of Sleep Medicine (AASM) says that nearly one-third of adults in the U.S. have admitted to sleeping in a different room from their spouse, an act that has been labeled as a sleep divorce.
“As clinicians, we’ve seen our patients and their spouses become more intentional about their sleep environment as they try to improve their sleep health,” a spokesperson from the AASM said in a statement in the report. “Often, this includes a conversation about separate sleep spaces to accommodate temperature preferences or even ambient lighting and noise.”
While the popularity of the movement doesn’t necessarily mean it will be an easier sell for the OP’s husband, it’s clear that there’s a growing population of couples who consider this a normal and healthy part of their relationship. Hopefully whatever the OP decides to do works out for her, but if her husband does push back, maybe she can use some of the reported statistics to help support her desire to have a little more peace and solitude when it’s time to wind down for the night.