A mother-in-law moving in temporarily is one of those arrangements that sounds perfectly reasonable at the start. Everyone agrees it is short-term, everyone stays polite, and everyone quietly hopes it ends soon. The problem is that “temporary” has no expiration date unless one is set.
A Mumsnet poster found herself in exactly this position. The family’s children had been put in a shared bedroom to make room. The poster wanted to discuss a concrete timeline with her husband, but was worried about upsetting him.
This kind of situation is quite common among families. A parent moves in under a clear temporary arrangement, time passes without urgency, and the family slowly adjusts around a guest who shows no signs of leaving because they are now comfortable. Without an honest conversation and a firm plan, temporary can quietly become permanent, and resentment can build.
This article covers the situation, what the Mumsnet community advised, and what the poster and her husband should realistically do next.
What the Post is About (Boundaries)
The original poster shared that her mother-in-law had sold her home and moved in with the family to bridge the gap until she found a new property. The family reorganized to accommodate her, with the children sharing a bedroom and the MIL’s belongings filling the home.
Six weeks had passed with no property identified. The poster noted that the MIL had already spent 12 months before the sale without finding anywhere she wanted to buy.
The poster was not hostile toward her mother-in-law and made clear she had agreed to the arrangement willingly. Her concern was the open-ended nature of the stay.
She asked whether it was reasonable to discuss a timeline with her husband, and floated the idea of building an annex as a possible solution. The post drew 167 replies, with the majority agreeing the poster had every right to want a plan in place.
The Problem with Open-Ended Arrangements
When a family member moves in without a firm move-out date, the arrangement loses structure from the start. Everyone operates on vague goodwill rather than clear expectations, and that rarely holds.
The longer the stay continues without a timeline, the harder it becomes to raise the subject without it feeling like an attack. The guest, meanwhile, has little external pressure to move quickly, particularly if the living situation is comfortable and costs nothing.
In this case, the MIL had already demonstrated a pattern. She had a full year to find a property before her sale was completed, but she did not manage it. Moving in with family may have removed the urgency she needed.
Commenters on the thread pointed out that a person who is genuinely committed to moving on will have a property identified, be attending viewings, and have a realistic timeline in mind. None of those things appeared to be happening here, which is a meaningful sign.
Why the Children’s Situation Matters
The issue of children sharing a bedroom was repeatedly raised in the thread as the most concrete and pressing concern. Depending on the ages of the children, room-sharing can affect sleep, homework, privacy, and general well-being.
Several commenters pointed out that with summer holidays approaching, the children would be home far more, and the strain of a cramped living arrangement would intensify. For older children, particularly teenagers, a shared bedroom is a significant imposition.
This is also one of the most persuasive arguments for the poster to bring to her husband. Framing the conversation around the children’s needs rather than her own frustration with the MIL removes the personal edge from the discussion.
A husband who might feel defensive about his mother being asked to leave may respond differently when the question is reframed around what is fair for the children. Their need for their own space is reasonable and not up for debate.
What the Community Said
The consensus in the thread was clear. Although dealing with in-laws is not easy, the poster needed to have a direct conversation with both her husband and her mother-in-law, and the MIL needed a firm deadline.
Several commenters suggested the first practical step was moving the MIL’s belongings into storage. Having her possessions in the family home gave the arrangement a settled, permanent feeling that needed to be disrupted.
Storage costs around £200 per month in the UK, and that financial pressure alone tends to motivate action. It also physically frees up space in the home.
Beyond storage, commenters strongly advised pushing the MIL toward renting somewhere in the interim if a purchase was taking too long. Property purchases in the UK routinely take three to six months from offer to completion, and longer if a chain is involved.
Why the Annex Idea is a Bad One
The poster mentioned the possibility of building an annex as a way to speed things up. Multiple commenters responded to this with firm warnings. An annex is not a transitional solution; it is a permanent one.
Building can be disruptive, expensive, and time-consuming. More importantly, once an annex exists, the MIL has a long-term home on the family’s property. Any expectation that she would eventually move on independently would likely dissolve the moment the first brick was laid.
The original issue is not a lack of space. It is a lack of urgency on the MIL’s part and a lack of boundaries on the family’s. Building an annex solves neither problem.
It simply makes the temporary arrangement irreversible. If the poster is not genuinely happy with her mother-in-law living on their property indefinitely, the idea of an annex should be off the table entirely.
How to Have the Conversation with a Husband Who May Push Back
The poster’s concern that her husband might feel his mother was unwelcome is understandable. Many people find it difficult to push back on a parent’s needs, especially when the parent is framed as going through a transition.
However, the husband’s discomfort with the conversation does not render it unnecessary. The poster has a legitimate concern, the children have a legitimate need, and neither of those things goes away because the topic is awkward.
The most effective approach is to come to the conversation with specifics rather than general frustration. A concrete proposal, such as agreeing on a date by which the MIL will either have exchanged on a property or signed a rental agreement, gives the husband something to work with rather than a vague complaint to deflect.
Framing it as planning, rather than pushing her out, keeps the tone supportive. If the husband still resists, it is worth naming directly that the current arrangement is affecting the family in specific, measurable ways.
Before “Temporary” Becomes the New Normal
The most important move a family can make in this situation is to have an honest conversation early, before resentment builds and before the guest has settled so completely that asking her to leave feels cruel.
Six weeks is still early enough to course-correct without lasting damage to anyone’s relationship. A clear, kind, and firm conversation now, with a realistic timeline and a rental option on the table, is far easier than the same conversation six months from now. The poster is not being unkind by wanting her home back.
Wanting to live in her own house, with her children in their own rooms, is entirely reasonable.
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